Chapter 13 - Je t’aime

Same day, 11 am-
“Hello Mr. Table Lamp”
“Hi Barbie”
“Leave whatever you are doing and come to the School of Hope now.”
“School of Hope?”
“Yes sir, school of hope”
“What’s that? Where is that?”
“It’s a school for disabled people. And do I need to guide you the complete way around, can’t you ask the rickshaw driver.”
“Hmmm….. When did they kick you out of the Convent and put you in a mental school? Well, whenever it happened, I am happy for it, you fit in there.”
“Ha ha ha, very funny. Happy? See I laughed at your joke too, now come here, I don’t have much time, I am at the phone booth near the entrance.”
“Ok, I’m coming”
“You better hurry up, or I’m going back to school”
There was sweet laughter after that.
Though it was almost noon, I hadn’t even brushed my teeth, I hadn’t even shaved. As I was running out of time, I left things as they were. Just took my wallet which hardly had 100 bucks in it.

She was there, in a knee length frock, not her usual school dress. She was smiling. So was I.
“Shall we walk?”
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere where we can sit, and somewhere where my dad can’t decide upon breaking your teeth.”
“Ha ha ha, you are funny too, happy?” I threw her own dialogue back at her, and she gave me a ‘will teach you a lesson someday’ look.
“Well, the word ‘teeth’ reminds me that I haven’t’ brushed today, so keep your distance.”
She giggled.
“Where were you on the night of your school fest? I was waiting for you for over three hours at the entrance.”
“Were you there? Don’t lie to me mister, I was waiting for you at the entrance, and let me tell you that I’m very angry with you for that.”
“But I had already told you I would not be coming, why are you angry with me?”
“Then why did you come, Mr. Tube light?”
I had no answer.
“In the evenings, when you play cricket, you wear a cap even when it’s cloudy, and now when its so sunny, you came without it? Where did you leave your brains Mr. Tube light?”
“I forgot it in my haste”. I was thinking of a suitable name like Miss Woodpecker (in regard to her non-stop chatter) or Miss Stick Insect (referring to how thin she was), but I finally ended up with Barbie only, mixed with Jia sometimes. After all it was only the first time; I was not used to calling her by these names.
We were walking on the empty wide roads of Guwahati. It wasn’t that sunny, in fact the weather was pleasant; I had no idea how she found it so sunny! She was walking so close to me. Our hands did touch each other many times, sometimes unknowingly, and sometimes because we both wanted an excuse to hold hands. I still remember, the wide, open roads, the trees making a random pattern on us with their shadows, the clear skies, and the sensation of first love. I wished the road never came to an end.
“Where are we going madam?”
“How about CCD?”
Café Coffee Day. I had never been to any CCD before, but I had a feeling that it must be quite an expensive place; after all girls’ choices are always expensive. And I had just hundred bucks in my wallet, not even that much now, as I had already paid for the rickshaw.
“Can’t we go someplace else?’ I was trying to avoid the place lest I be exposed financially. I was blaming myself for not having borrowed some cash from Raga or Sam before coming. Maybe because I had never been on a date before and hence had no idea that it might end up in a place like CCD!
“Why? Don’t you like coffee or you can’t sit in an AC?”
“No, its ok”
Though I said so, I was feeling really uncomfortable trying to imagine how embarrassing it would be when the bill came, and I would have to ask her to pay it, that too on our first date!
“Which one is your room in your house?” I changed the topic for the time being.
“The one in the front, but why do you ask? You won’t be allowed in my room anyway”, again a naughty look. I don’t know why, but I liked her stupid jokes! (Well, that’s love you see, how much you change, you yourself can’t imagine)
“Oh, the garage?”
“No Mr. Tube light, not the garage’
I started getting nervous again as we approached the crowded area, what if someone sees us and reports at her home.
“How was your paper?”
“I will get a good rank. How was your dance?’
“I will get nothing, its over, but that reminds me, you said you were standing in front of my school gate at the night of the annual fest, were you actually?”
“Yes dear, for three long hours!”
“Where were you? I came to check there almost ten times, but couldn’t see you”
“I was at the gate only, where else will I be?”
“Which side?”
It was then that I came to know about the other gate of her school. How foolish of me to check only one side of her school! Well, it’s not just that I was a fool, she was a fool as well; even she could have checked the other gate, couldn’t she?
We had a long and sweet argument trying to decide which one of us was a greater fool; it was ultimately a draw declaring both of us equally foolish.
We were almost there. I was still trying to change the venue, I had no money, but how could I tell this to her?
“Would you mind if I just go to the ATM to take out some cash.” And I took my wallet out.
“They accept cards also my dear tube light” my over-smart girlfriend replied not knowing that I didn’t even bear a card!
“Oh, crap! I guess I forgot my ATM card at home only” She looked at me and smiled, she had probably guessed it.
“I have called you, I’ll pay, why you are worrying so much, moreover you should know… my dad is rich!”
I was sort of feeling good and bad too. I laughed at her nice effort of making this poor joke. Soon, we were inside. We took a table for two at the corner so that nobody from outside could see us.
I was a bit less nervous then. I guess my body was getting adapted to the adrenalin rush these kinds of changes brought. This time I had some sort of confidence too. And for the first time I looked deep in her eyes.
Are those your eyes, is that your smile
I've been looking at you forever
But I never saw you before
Are these your hands holding mine?
Now I wonder how I could've been so blind
For the first time I am looking in your eyes
For the first time I'm seeing who you are
I can't believe how much I see
When you're looking back at me
Now I understand what love is.......
Love is.....for the first time.....

“Never saw a girl before? Why are you staring at me?”
I continued staring. She bent her head down.
“What is your full name Mr. Tube light?”
“Why? You wanna marry me?”
“You said a big ‘NO’ in the first meeting only.” This was an indirect but an almost clear reply. We were beginning to understand each other’s eyes now. Very well.
“You could have asked again.”
She smiled, looked at me, and then was too shy to make any more eye contacts. I was in a whole new world. I was in love.

Can this be real, can this be true
Am I the person I was this morning
And are you the same you
It's all so strange, how can it be?
All along this love was right in front of me
For the first time I am looking in your eyes
For the first time I'm seeing who you are
I can't believe how much I see
When you're looking back at me
Now I understand what love is.......
Love is.....for the first time.....

I gave her the slam book back. She started reading it there itself, in front of me.
We had hot chocolate and warm talk to accompany it. We were talking about all things possible. I don’t know why, but we were not saying what we both actually wanted to say to each other. Maybe, because we both had already expressed everything in an indirect manner; through our eyes. I wanted her to propose, and I guessed she too wanted me to do just the same.
After an hour we moved to the cyber café nearby, Sify Iway (The board read-“The coolest place to be this summer”)I was trying to tell her what my feelings were by showing her my favorite e greetings (I love you) to her. She understood everything; she was sitting quietly, smiling every now and then. I looked in her eyes. They were big. I could feel my heart beating faster. In the magic of the moment; I took her hand and kissed it. She was blushing.
“I’m going home for 3 days Jia”
“Today?”
“No, tomorrow”
“Won’t you be coming back?”
“I’ll be back, I promise”
She smiled and said, “Oh! That means I’ll have to see you again”
"Bitch!"
And we smiled at each other. On our way back in the rickshaw, she was holding my hand. We both were silent. Just holding each other’s hands tightly. She knew I was going away. I knew I was about to leave her. I had to come back, but it was just to take my things away and leave this place forever.
That evening, she was standing at her main gate. Silent. Probably imagining how this place would look after I’m gone. I was looking at her through my window. I knew I was going to miss her. She gave me a flying kiss and went inside.