Affirmation

Last post I had on this blog was in November 2009. This day is July 2013. Three and half years have passed by. To some, it is not at all a long time, and to some it can be quoted as ages. In my perspective, it is none, it is just a number, 3.5 years are nothing but just continuous passage of day and night over and over again. When I wrote my last blog, I was in pain, there was agony, there was suffering. Right today when I am here again, I am kind of in a similar position, I have all those things back, pain, agony and suffering. But then again there is also a new thing as well, and that is this realization that I have been here before. I am not going to discuss my personal life here, but this phase sure does make me introspect on a lot of things, and I have decided to let out all my introspection in these pages everyday.

Someone said to me today, that for any situation in life to be dealt properly and with contentment, if there has to be a compromise, it has to be from both the sides. That it is not fair for one to put conditions on a situation, because then it doesn't remain a compromise anymore, it becomes a deal. It makes me wonder, if there had been a compromise form both the sides in the situation a close friend of mine currently went through?

Compromises are not bad things. They are very important in day to day life, and most importantly in interpersonal and personal relations. They are the building blocks of faith, of a future together, of a lasting relationship.

The friend I talked about earlier, he had been though some weird situation. He fell in love with a girl, face down, without knowing anything about her. And do did the girl. But years down the line, the girl had many things that caused her problems because of him. They both had different approaches to life. The guy believed in an understanding which comes with time, because according to him, that was the most beautiful thing to happen. If he had any problems, he used to keep it to himself (which of course at times used to make him agitated and act weirdly), but his thought process was that if the girl really loves him, she will see those things someday and will understand those things on her own. And he knew that when that understanding came, it would be one of its kind, because it would last forever. Anything born out of the true feeling of love lasts forever.

The girl on the other hand had a totally different approach. It was not wrong by any means, but was totally contrary to the guy's approach to life. She believed in telling things right then and there when she didn't like something, for she knew that if someone has to understand the other person better, it would make things easier for him if he knows when and what things she likes and dislikes.

They were in love for a long time, but could never become good friends. In the last days of their relationship (which died a natural death), they discussed why they could never become good friends despite of having that feeling of affection for each other. They figured it was because of the difference of approach they had to life.

When he told me his whole story to me, I have a different view about that. I don't think the approach of any of them was wrong. What was wrong was that the other person didn't look at it as an individualistic approach from other side, but as something that was totally against his individual nature, they took it as something as the other person did to hurt each other. I have seen people cross the barriers of religions, casts, colors and languages to be with each other, to realize the dream of being the closest to each other when they are in love. Was this difference bigger than that? Big enough that despite being in love with each other, they couldn't become good friends?

No. It was not.

But something was big here, and that something was the curtain they both had in front of their eyes that they could see only their side of the story, and not of the other side.

Love asks us to cross the barriers. In fact, love happens only when we cross the barriers of our eccentricity and step into the realm of others, surrendering our ego completely. Love is not a compromise, but it makes any compromise seem worthwhile. Like the fresh morning dew on a violet, love means nothing but to see the twinkle in the eyes of the person who means the whole world to you.

My friend's relationship ended. And that was the most strange part! After they both had realized that they needed to be closer as friends to reach the ultimate place in love where the lover is the same as the partner whom you want to share your life as well as your innermost thoughts with, they compromised their love to find in each other, 'better friends'. But it was not a compromise, it was a deal. Remember the line about compromise I talked to you in the first paragraph?

"For any situation in life to be dealt properly and with contentment, if there has to be a compromise, it has to be from both the sides. That it is not fair for one to put conditions on a situation, because then it doesn't remain a compromise anymore, it becomes a deal."

The guy had only one source of inspiration in his life, the love that he was holding to. He had made the girl aware of the same many times. But to the girl, some conditions were vital to a future, and the last one of those was to become friends first. Its not that the guy didn't want to see a friend in his love, in fact he wanted to see his lover as his best friend, but he knew that the strength to reach there can only be provided by the love he had in his heart, which lit his path thought the darkest hours they had ever gone through. The girl wanted to be friends first than become a lover for she wanted this affirmation that the person she marries is her best friend as well as her lover. The relationship ended. Probably nobody was wrong. What was wrong that they called it a compromise. It was not. It was a deal.

Love makes no deal. Love is never loud. And true love is never silent as well. Its perfectly OK to have compromises in love, because they are not compromises, they are just an extra step you take to reach to the ultimate level of unison, in body as well as in soul.